Still Waiting

Every month is full of apprehension, every month I hold my breath to see if this is the month... sadly my month has not yet come. I cry every time and try to be positive for the next month to come. Hubby is not here for a whole month, to me it means another obstacle and another month that I will not have a chance to try and be a mommy. Why is this so hard? I may need to relax and just let go a little rather than stress about it but it's not that easy... I wish it was. I take comfort in my beautiful 8 month old puppy that fills my days with happiness. Every time I see him play and be mischevious how I wish it would be with my Jacob. Kolohe (my puppy) is my companion and my baby : ) He makes me laugh and I feel so loved every time I come home to see how excited he is to see me. Maybe this month away from hubby is a month to reflect and stop obsessing with one thing. I do want to start some hobbies, I do want to go the gym, I do want to be more productive with my home and my life but truthfully I do not have the energy...or maybe I do not have the desire (SIGH). In happy times and in hard times, Lord, I will praise you....