Saturday, July 17, 2010

Army Life

So we've begun to try but army life does not make it any easier. Training is so unpredictable accompanied by having my husband leave for weeks to other states to do "army things". I hate it, I absolutely hate it but there is nothing I can do about it and the hurt continues on. My husband doesn't understand how much it hurts. In his mind he is doing all of this work to ensure we stay in a non-deployable unit which is what I want but in the same token time is going by... another year is soon coming to an end making it 2 years since we lost Jacob with no signs of a baby. I thought I was pregnant in May just to be shattered a few days later. June did not give us an opportunity to try since he was gone and now mid July appears to be giving me disappointing news. I was due to start my monthly experience on the 9th... it's now the 17th and nothing yet so my spirits were up but something called a pregnancy test has squashed my hope looking at the BIG Negative sign. I feel so frustrated today and very dissapointed... I've cried alone in the dark twice and I may cry a couple more times until I can't cry anymore

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