Saturday, July 17, 2010

Baby on Hold

After my husband returned from deployment we came up on orders to move further South. Most people would think this move would be great to start all over and leave a part of the painful past but all I heard was "this means we need to put baby on hold" and it was tough for me. I may sound obsessive and I admit I have been but my justification was me turning 35 soon. I have already been placed on the "high risk pregnancy" due to having an incompetent cervix and now I'm even higher on the list for turning 35. I also realized that I would have to take time off work once I got pregnant to decreased stress and the possibility of another miscarriage which translated meant we needed to save money before we started trying again. I knew logically all of this was for the best for me and baby but emotionally it hurt because more than 1 year after losing Jacob we were still not anywhere closer to having another baby. This meant having to wait at least 3 months after starting work before beginning to try... to be that was an eternity and it hurt

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