Healing Alone

After losing baby Jacob my world collapsed... mostly within my soul. I tried to show how strong I was from the outside but deep down inside I was dying. Although the army let my husband stay behind, he deployed a few weeks later and so I was there left alone full of sadness. Friends and family offered their support and condolescents but nothing they said made me feel better because in my eyes no one knew how I felt. I longed to be able to try again for baby but with my husband gone that was impossible so the weeks and months continued with minimal relief. So many unswered questions loomed and it made me angry. I was angry at the thought that there existed mothers out there who were pregnant and did not want to be, mother's out there that were giving up their baby for adoption and mother's out there that were abusing drugs with full knowledge of being pregnant. I wanted to be pregnant and I couldn't be... I felt I was attempting to heal alone and it was not working, nothing was working